then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
