Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
