Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
