drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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