i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Sext me about skeletons
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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