I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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