People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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