I CAN MOONWALK!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
It's official drugs can't kill me
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Randomize
