mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
