grandma shit on top of the toilet
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
