Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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