I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Randomize
