sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
