He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
