batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
