The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
