i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
