My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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