Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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