It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
