I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He kissed a someone with a penis
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
