I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
