i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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