how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
