just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
