Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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