the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
