What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
