Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just cut my nipple shaving
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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