I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
