i just wanna soil my oats bro
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
