he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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