Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
