You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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