I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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