Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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