So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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