there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
