when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
