You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
