Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I wish i was in the wii world.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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