He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
