Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
