If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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