Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We left the knife in your bed.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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