You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
