they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She bit a glass in half.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
