well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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