you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
