Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
