the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
