Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
