Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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